I am not this girl,
waiting like a dog waits to be thrown a scrap,
questioning, my thoughts firing into the darkness where they fade like they have no meaning
I am not here, trying to keep hope from being strangled
I am not this girl, offering my little black heart to be crushed into grime,
dragging myself through a myriad of why’s and why not’s.
I am not this girl who sits back and wonders which words sent you scattering away,
who looks at the mirror and sees nothing but routine and fatigue that serve as reason for you to leave,
who sees herself in windows while she’s walking downtown and thinks,
“Of course you were fooling yourself, stupid, childish, naïve…. FOOL.”
I am not this girl who looks for your face on the people passing by,
who tortures herself with bets about
whether you tell the truth,
whether you are real,
whether you are wanting me,
I am not this girl.
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NOTE:
** This Girl is my contribution to Open Link Night at dVerse Poet’s Pub ~ Week 86.
Amber Glows of a Slow Burn 
i have been this girl. powerfully related. thank you for sharing.
Excellent piece! Whether or not you actually are “that girl” its a great mantra to have because at some point you will be if you believe it enough!
This is freaking awesome. Excellent job.
Thank you!
mmm…felt a bit of that uncertainty in this…i wonder if we can ever really fool ourselves into thinking we are never that girl…even us guys feel it at times…and need that reassurance…smiles…felt piece….
Thank you for reading and commenting, Brian. It’s nice to hear that guys can relate to this feeling too!
I really enjoyed reading this, which I should being as it is so similar to much of my own work. Theres some powerful emotion in there and something bordering on self loathing, wanting not to be this person, but regretfully accepting that you/they are.
Thank you for your thoughts, Tino! Sometimes, I am this girl, and sometimes I am not. 🙂
That girl, sure has a powerful voice-excellent build of emotion, and I really liked how you told the story essentially from the point of view of denial, it made it much more compelling to me. Great poem 🙂
Thank you! Denial is indeed compelling at times…